A cold morning. Cold enough to layer up wisely and yet not cold enough to deter me from a morning walk in the park. A morning walk is like a hot cup of tea for my mind. Sat in the park for a while. Saw a dedicated line of ants marching their way ... carrying crumbs, a dead bug. What the ant carries must surely be twice its weight. Strength! Amazing strength!
Strength helps us build. Helps us fight ... Or maybe it leaves us weak?
My neighbour of many years has been living with a demanding husband and caring for a cranky mother-in-law, a woolly-headed father-in-law, two petulant children and other extensions of the family. She never ceases to amaze me. Deals with the people in her life with a patience that is unknown to me. I have seen her cry but only to be greeted with a cheerful smile next time around. Her family demands of her and expects of her the world served on a golden platter, without showing much appreciation for it. How? How does she do it? And why does she do it all for them?
Yesterday I met her at the local temple yesterday after a long time. She knows I go there not as much to bow my head to the superior one but rather to donate old belongings to the charity.
"How lovely to see you after such a long time!"
"Yes. Been away to India. How are you and everyone in the family?"
"Oh they all are fine. Pankaj is going to Germany next week as part of his business expansion".
"Oh ok. And how are you?" I asked again. "You often tend to forget yourself when you care for so many. So tell me have you poisoned your mother-in-law yet?"
She laughed. Her laughter carried the words 'wish I could'.
"You know I have always admired your strength. You cater to your husband's likes and dislikes, wishes and wants. You wait hand and foot on your parents-in-laws only to be told you are doing your duty and that too very unsatisfactorily. Your kids treat you no better. I admire your strength because frankly speaking if I was in your place I would have given a severe tongue-lashing to the hubby, would have fed innocent looking stuffed brinjals with not-so-innocent poison to my in-laws and would have twisted the ears of the little devils till they learnt some manners. I will never know from where do you get the strength to put up with these characters and their follow-ups!"
There! I said it! And she stared. And I thought maybe I should have held back some of the outburst. And yet she still stared. A 'sorry' was inching its way towards my lips ...
"That's strange."
"Strange?"
"Strange because it has been rather me who has been looking up to you and your strength."
"I am sorry but I really didn't get you."
She sighed and said "you live pretty much on your own. You earn and spend it on your family. No one to ever buy anything for you ever. You cook and eat on your own. No one to ever ask you if you have had your meal and no one to cook a meal of your preference. No one to treat you to a movie or an outing.You alone make all the decisions with the full acceptance of responsibility of the same. Even when unwell you have no one to tend to you. No, it isn't me who is strong."
I was silent. I had never thought of things in this manner.
She continued "I find it easier to bury my wishes rather than stand up for them. I have never known life any other way. I know I am weak but the thought of being on my own scares me, so much that I would rather put up with my so-called ungrateful family. It is easier to toe the line than cross the line."
"I don't know about that. But I do know that had I been in your place I would have left my husband and his family. I would never have had this strength of endurance".
We left it at that. She went off to buy groceries and I went to the bank.
But we didn't leave it at that. At least I couldn't. A little talk is all it took for me to see a different perception of strength. The thresholds of endurance differ so drastically. Or is it something that we perceive to be demanded of us as the situation arises?
One needs strength to confess and strength also to build a fortress around emotions ... Strength to stand alone and strength to seek support ... Strength to take your own decisions and strength to follow someone else's decision ... Strength to hold on and strength to let go ...
I am probably an ant as well. What others may see as strength is something I do out of necessity rather than choice. Because if given a choice I guess I would prefer being weak.
Strength helps us build. Helps us fight ... Or maybe it leaves us weak?
My neighbour of many years has been living with a demanding husband and caring for a cranky mother-in-law, a woolly-headed father-in-law, two petulant children and other extensions of the family. She never ceases to amaze me. Deals with the people in her life with a patience that is unknown to me. I have seen her cry but only to be greeted with a cheerful smile next time around. Her family demands of her and expects of her the world served on a golden platter, without showing much appreciation for it. How? How does she do it? And why does she do it all for them?
Yesterday I met her at the local temple yesterday after a long time. She knows I go there not as much to bow my head to the superior one but rather to donate old belongings to the charity.
"How lovely to see you after such a long time!"
"Yes. Been away to India. How are you and everyone in the family?"
"Oh they all are fine. Pankaj is going to Germany next week as part of his business expansion".
"Oh ok. And how are you?" I asked again. "You often tend to forget yourself when you care for so many. So tell me have you poisoned your mother-in-law yet?"
She laughed. Her laughter carried the words 'wish I could'.
"You know I have always admired your strength. You cater to your husband's likes and dislikes, wishes and wants. You wait hand and foot on your parents-in-laws only to be told you are doing your duty and that too very unsatisfactorily. Your kids treat you no better. I admire your strength because frankly speaking if I was in your place I would have given a severe tongue-lashing to the hubby, would have fed innocent looking stuffed brinjals with not-so-innocent poison to my in-laws and would have twisted the ears of the little devils till they learnt some manners. I will never know from where do you get the strength to put up with these characters and their follow-ups!"
There! I said it! And she stared. And I thought maybe I should have held back some of the outburst. And yet she still stared. A 'sorry' was inching its way towards my lips ...
"That's strange."
"Strange?"
"Strange because it has been rather me who has been looking up to you and your strength."
"I am sorry but I really didn't get you."
She sighed and said "you live pretty much on your own. You earn and spend it on your family. No one to ever buy anything for you ever. You cook and eat on your own. No one to ever ask you if you have had your meal and no one to cook a meal of your preference. No one to treat you to a movie or an outing.You alone make all the decisions with the full acceptance of responsibility of the same. Even when unwell you have no one to tend to you. No, it isn't me who is strong."
I was silent. I had never thought of things in this manner.
She continued "I find it easier to bury my wishes rather than stand up for them. I have never known life any other way. I know I am weak but the thought of being on my own scares me, so much that I would rather put up with my so-called ungrateful family. It is easier to toe the line than cross the line."
"I don't know about that. But I do know that had I been in your place I would have left my husband and his family. I would never have had this strength of endurance".
We left it at that. She went off to buy groceries and I went to the bank.
But we didn't leave it at that. At least I couldn't. A little talk is all it took for me to see a different perception of strength. The thresholds of endurance differ so drastically. Or is it something that we perceive to be demanded of us as the situation arises?
One needs strength to confess and strength also to build a fortress around emotions ... Strength to stand alone and strength to seek support ... Strength to take your own decisions and strength to follow someone else's decision ... Strength to hold on and strength to let go ...
I am probably an ant as well. What others may see as strength is something I do out of necessity rather than choice. Because if given a choice I guess I would prefer being weak.
Good one
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