Behind You ...

The squirrel kept scurrying from one branch to another – its hectic activity in stark contrast to the peace with which I was watching it, standing beside the kitchen window. The sound of the keys turning in the lock made my eyes follow what my ears heard. You had returned from your morning walk. You kept the bunch of keys on the table and before I could ask “shall I make some tea?” you lit a cigarette and started puffing it. Perhaps you had your tea and breakfast at the local cafe. I kept the two mugs back in the cupboard. I had waited for you to have tea with you. But since you’ve already had it ...

You went in the bedroom, switched on the AC, removed your shirt and hung it on the back of the chair. You then took you notepad and your pen and sat down on the bed ... staring in the air for your thoughts that were probably floating around. I guess you found your particular thought because you started writing passionately on the notepad.

The curtains were drawn and prohibited the lovely morning sunshine from entering the room. You might find it difficult to write in this darkness. I went and opened the curtains ... and the room lit up! But you got off the bed angrily and drew the curtains again, sending the room back into semi-darkness. You then went back to the bed, piled up three pillows, rested your elbow on them and lied down on your side. I came and sat right behind you ... your bare back facing me. Your body is so tempting, so irresistibly tempting! With love I run my hand on your smooth back. But you shrug off my hand. I am beckoning you with love but perhaps you find my love annoying. I have no intention of irritating you but no matter what I do, you get irked. Well then what do I do of my feelings towards you? What do I do about my mind and my heart which constantly think of you? Your deep eyes, your charming face, your lusty lips, your well-chiselled body and, to top it all, the magic that you create with your words ... I am helplessly lost in this web of words that you weave and find myself entrapped and am unable to break free, no matter how hard I try. You have unintentionally hypnotised me with your words, unaware of the turmoil it has caused within my heart and its desires.

I think of all this and with my finger I start writing out my thoughts on your back ... I start writing a poem on you. You keep shrugging and twitching but I don’t know if you are amused or annoyed by the touch of my fingers. If we were facing each other I would have known for sure but since you have turned your back on me I can only guess. Though, to tell you the truth, I find much happiness in this. I am contented with the way things are – you sit with your back turned towards me and keep writing stories while I sit behind you and keep writing poems on you. In fact I dread to see your eyes should you turn around and look at me. What will be there in your eyes for me? Anger? My God and my angels are angry with me as such ... my fate too has been rather ruthless with me ... and if I were to face your anger I would be unable to bear it and hence would die. On the other hand, what if you looked at me with love in your eyes? I have lost everything that I held dear in this world and am too scared to possess anything anymore. I won’t be able to hold your love in my broken heart. I would be unable to bear your love too.

No! Never! Please don’t ever turn around to look at me. Your anger will kill me and your love won’t let me live.

I am contented with the way things are – you sit with your back turned towards me and keep writing stories on paper while I sit behind you and keep writing poems on you.